Ibn Qudamah writes: Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Not many people like a second wife. Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. She should approach him first and address the issue, Maphalala suggests. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? The statistics are stacked against you, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Mrs. Tanveer (first wife) has accepted the co-wife relationship because to her religion has allowed the man for multiple wives. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. She also explained, "I never made differences among children". She said," My husband helped me to survive emotionally and financially". Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. "If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. PostedNovember 5, 2012 It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. Hence, before you embark on your marital journey, you must understand the second marriage problems and how to handle them. Crookston EM. I live in a rented flat and pay half the rent. 6. Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. So, she accepted this relationship. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. Christmas and having the whole family there together. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. Concept of one soulmate for everyone is flawed anyway. A lady was working in front of her husbands' clinic and usually visited the clinic. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. Being Muslim doesn't change the biology of pain, of envy, and of sadnessthese are human emotions that are consequences of the act. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. Cross-Cultural Research. The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. Then communicate every detail to your wife she deserves that. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. Saravanan S. Female infanticide in India: A review of the literature. The co-wives were approached from their homes. Then there are the kids. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." However, on appeal the. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. But surprisingly enough, she understood and agreed to it. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? She was living with her in-laws and never allowed her husband to live with his second wife in the same household. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry peer review process verified at publons. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. After those three days I regretted everything and I blamed myself for her heartache, he says. Archives of Women's Mental Health. International Nursing Review. 'I don't care about anything. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. Polygamy is a practice in which a person is married to more than one person at the same time, most commonly a man to several wives. If that doesnt help, she can then approach his elders and explain exactly what it is thats happening and how shed like them to help. After 11 years passed when she had not conceived her in-laws forced her husband for co-wife. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. 2014; 8-10. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. Mrs. Amir had no baby so she said, "It's Allah's plan for me and I have accepted my fate". For Lillian Makhubalo* it was like a blow to the heart. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? A couple of years after her mother's death, Deschamps' father remarried in an LDS Temple and was sealed to his second wife. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. Gabe and I won't have that. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. Can expand your gene pool. | All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. 4. He says he isnt much of a speaker. Instituting change for women in a male-dominated society is a daunting task; however, it is essential. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. Her relationship with her co-wife was perceived to be sisterly. The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Go figure. Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Journalism strengthens democracy. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. She told she was also present during the delivery. Bigger families imply more connections. Stanford University Press. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. I didnt really get it, but my parents are big on communication in a weeks time I was on board. Thembi says she knows people often question polygamous marriages but shes adamant that sometimes the women gain a lot more than the men. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. Family Process. Published: Istanbul, Turkey. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. Minor clashes are part of life to her. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. She was blended with her husband by love marriage. At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation.